Dealing with the NICU

Here are a few helpful suggestions if you are a first time NICU parent. These suggestions come from the March of Dimes website on Prematurity Awareness. See their website for more information on dealing with a premature birth.

If your baby was premature, most likely you're still reeling from the shock of your baby's arrival weeks or months before the due date. You may never have fully adjusted to being pregnant, much less to being a new parent. You may feel distant from your baby—and the busy, hectic neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) environment doesn't make it any easier. But this is an important time for you and your baby to get to know each other and for you to gradually take on your important role as Mom or Dad.

Feeling More Confident
Here are some suggestions to help you feel more confident as a parent in the NICU:

• If this is your first baby, remind yourself that all new parents feel anxious and unsure. Of course, these feelings are more intense because you have a baby in the NICU, but they are also a natural part of being a first-time parent.
• Even if you're an experienced parent, you may feel anxious and unsure. Remember that parenting in the NICU is different and challenging. It's natural to feel like a beginner as you learn how to meet your baby's unique needs.
• Be patient with yourself when you feel awkward or hesitant. Nobody expects you to be comfortable with your baby right away. Give yourself the time you need to adjust and feel more confident with your baby.
• If you are afraid to make mistakes or show your inexperience, you may find yourself backing away from your baby. Try telling your baby's nurses that you're unsure of yourself. They can give you the support and practice you need to become skilled at taking care of your baby.

Becoming an Informed Parent
The more you know about your baby's medical condition and care, the more you can look out for his best interests and be his advocate. And the more you know, the more you can take care of him and collaborate with his medical team.

Ask Questions:
It's normal to have many questions about your baby's medical condition and what the future may hold. You may want a lot of information right away, or you may need more time before you can hear the answers. You may have to ask some questions several times because the answers can be too much to take in all at once. Sometimes there are no definite answers to your questions, but learning what is known can help relieve some of the uncertainty.

To get information at a comfortable pace, let your questions be your guide. Write down your questions as you think of them so that you can seek the answers when you're ready. Ask your baby's doctors for written information. Take notes so you can review and remember their answers. You can also invite a trusted family member or friend to join you if you want another pair of ears to hear important information.

Questions to Ask

• How is my baby doing today?
• Has anything changed?
• What caused this condition?
• How will this equipment or medication help my baby?
• What types of tests are being given to my baby and what information will they provide?
• Who is in charge of my baby's medical care?
• Who should I call if I have questions about my baby's condition?
• How will I be informed of any major change in my baby's condition?
• Can I hold my baby?
• What can I do to take care of my baby?
  

Become a Member of Your Baby's Medical Team
From the start, make it your goal to form a good working relationship with the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) staff. As you get to know your baby's doctors and nurses, you will feel more comfortable approaching them and asking questions or making suggestions. Ask them to keep you informed about your baby's medical condition. When there are choices about your baby's care, you should be included in making those important decisions. After all, you and your baby's medical caregivers are a team. You all share the same goal: the best care for your baby.

Prepare for Uncertainty
Sometimes you may feel anxious about what you learn. But it can be even more frightening when you don't know what's going on or what to expect. Uncertainty is a common part of the NICU experience. But as you learn more about your baby's condition and treatments, you'll feel more in control of the situation. The more you know, the more involved you can be and the more you can advocate for your baby.

Visit these links for more information:
Parenting in the NICU
Coping with the NICU Experience
Friends and Family
Leaving the NICU

Elliot's Preemie Tees Video

My son, Brent, made this video for me just before leaving on a two-year mission for our church. We only had one week to work on it between his last day of work and leaving on his mission. It isn't perfect, but I think it is wonderful!

Thank you Brent for all of your hard work, love and a gentle spirit that allowed you to create such a warm, touching and heartfelt production. I think you were able to capture the heart and soul of what we do! Thank you and I love you so much!! I will miss you!

A Word About the Music
If you LOVE this music like we do then you can find her amazing and uplifting music on her website - Hilary Weeks. Hilary wrote these songs long before Elliot was born. We have known her and loved her and have been her fans for a long, long time. Little did we know what impact her music would have on us. Brooke and BJ listened to these songs on the drive to and from the NICU everyday. They say that Hilary's music gave them as sense of peace and calm during this very difficult time. We are so grateful to Hilary for her beautiful music and lyrics - Thank you Hilary!

A Word About Artistic Property
Please be respectful of other's talents and do not reproduce the video or music without permission. Talented people deserve to have their time, talents and gifts respected.

Thank you!

Kangaroos in the NICU

The following is an Article that I found on my message board. It was posted by Sarah, a NICU parent. I thought it was so good I asked her for permission to reprint it here for you to see. I have checked out the facts of her article and they are true. You can look up the History of Kangaroo Care on Google. I thought this was better because it is from a parent who knows! Enjoy!
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For those of you who are veteran NICU visitors, you likely have an idea what I’m about to address, but maybe even the most experienced NICU "club" members can learn something from this.

What I’m addressing is not animals hopping around in the NICU, but a very intelligent practice that was developed from the care a mother kangaroo has for her little baby Joey. When a very helpless and immature baby kangaroo is born, it slowly makes its way up to it’s mom’s milk supply where the tiny Joey remains for months. These little guys thrive in their little protective pouches, completely dependent on his mother for months. For those of you that are still not exactly sure how the marsupial "kangaroo" name got in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, let me explain.

"Kangaroo Care" as it's most often referred to was implemented in the country Columbia in the early 1980’s by a couple of physicians. Having a premature infant in America in the 80’s was a luxury in comparison to having a child in Columbia where much of the country was stricken with poverty. Neonatal Intensive Care Units were no where near what they are today. Many, many families did not have the option of a NICU either because they could not afford extensive hospitalizations or simply because there was a lack of staff and equipment to run adequate NICU’s.

So, what’s a mother to do when she doesn’t have the financial supporto or resources to have her premature baby in a NICU? Okay, get ready for this...She strips her baby down of his clothing down to his or her diaper and then she places the baby against her bare chest. After that, she covers both herself and the baby up. Then together she will go about her business.

Sounds a bit strange doesn’t it? It may sound strange, but the mortality rate of these infants dropped nearly 40% which is miraculous considering the fact that there is very little to no invasive intervention with this method. I was IMing with one of my group members the other day and was discouraged to hear that some of the staff wasn’t being supportive of this type of care. If they are working in the NICU, they should know that that isn’t true. Many studies have been done on "kangarooing" and there have been no real negative effects of this type of bonding. In fact, most of the studies I have come across where very much in support of "kangaroo Care". The following are just some of the benefits of "Kangaroo Care":
- a deeper and much needed sleep for the baby
- lower Oxygen requirements and deeper oxygen saturation
- fewer spells of APNEA (short cessation in breathing)
- fewer Bradys (drop in heart rate) which generally means a heart rate that drops below 100 beats per minute which lasts generally longer than 15 seconds
- the infant can maintain it’s temperature easier which is often difficult for preemies
- faster weights have been noted (which means just one more thing to nudge you guys out the door and back home).
- babies generally remain calmer because they can hear their mother’s heartbeat
- easier to establish mother to child and child to mother bonding which is obviously needed
- longer periods of alertness
These are some of the major benefits of "Kangarooing" with your baby. If someone tells you that your baby is too little for that, I would definitely question that. I personally did "kangaroo Care with both of my children when they were in the NICU. My oldest is my daughter named Tianna and she was born at 28 weeks gestation. She had relatively no health issues that were life threatening or that I should have worried about. My son Devin was also "kangarooed" and he was born at 23 weeks gestation. I did "kangaroo care" with him despite the fact that he was only around 4 or 5 weeks old and still very, very tiny and very sick. The nurses had to literally tape his ventilator (to aid in breathing) tubes to me so he didn’t accidentally extubate himself which means have his tubes pulled out. So I believe that if the staff believed in "kangrooing" a baby that was born 16 weeks early, and still on the "vent" , chances are you can do the same with your baby. The only negative aspect of doing "kangaroo care" with my son Devin was that his stats did drop a little during the transfer from the bed to me but that only happened for a couple seconds and they went back up. I truly believe my children thrived in part because of the "kangaroo care" which tends to make a baby feel more like they are back in the womb and are comforted by listening to their parents heartbeat. "kangarooing" is not limited to mom either so I encourage fathers to "kangaroo" as well.
There are reasons that you may not be able to kangaroo with your baby. Your baby may be too sick to do this type of care with so ultimately you will likely have to leave it up to the staff, but if you feel your baby can handle it, and you want do do...it’s okay to argue your case with staff.

Elliot - Then & Now

Brooke is Expecting!!!

This is very exciting news for us! I have known about it for some time but we didn't want to say anything until she was past her 1st trimester. We are hoping for a normal pregnancy and birth this time.

We are very excited and very nervous too! The doctors told Brooke that her chances of having another preemie were very slim and that what happened with Elliot was a fluke but she is still nervous, and understandably so.

She is due January 14th and is about 16 weeks along. She is scheduled for the 20 week ultrasound in about 4 weeks. It was at 20 weeks with Elliot that she discovered that he was small and that there was a single artery in the umbilical cord.

We are so hopeful that things will be different this time. She even looks more pregnant than she did with Elliot. We are so happy for her and BJ. I hope that Brooke will get to experience what it is really like to be pregnant. With Elliot she could barely feel him kick and she never really looked pregnant.

We are looking forward to being able to properly prepare for this baby too! Elliot came so fast that we had nothing for him. And after he was born we spent all out time at the NICU so he came home with very few preparations made for his homecoming. I am sure that most preemie parents can relate to this.

Anyway, we will keep you posted about the progress of the new baby. We may even have a few contests surrounding our happy event for Preemie Tees products!

Why We Make Preemie Tees

From time to time someone will ask me about Elliot's Preemie Tees. The questions that I get the most from non-preemie parents is "Why do you make Preemie Tees?" or "Is there a market for that?" Depending on how the question is asked I sometimes have to fight the urge to not to stare in disbelief at some people. But then I remember how dumb I was before Elliot came into my life. The short answer to these questions are, "I make them because I want to help others like us and, yes, there is a market for them." The long answer is what follows. I hope it will give you some insight into why we do what we do. Enjoy!

When Elliot was born he weighed in at a whopping 1 lb. 12 oz. He was so tiny I hardly knew what to do. The first time I saw him I was horrified, not because I thought he was ugly or anything, I just thought he was so small and there was an IV or wire coming out of every conceivable place. It was scary! What worried me more was the way my daughter interacted with him. She seemed afraid of him. Instinctively I knew that she needed to bond with him and fast. As a struggled to think of ways to help this happened I started to think about what "normal" parents do to bond with their babies. I realized that parents basic responsibilities, when it comes to caring for their babies, are to love, feed and clothe them. I knew Brooke loved Elliot. She was also working so hard to feed him by pumping breast milk and leaving it at the hospital and freezing it at home for later. So my next thoughts turned to clothes. Where could I find clothes for such a tiny person? Was there even such a thing? Would the NICU let her dress him? I had all these questions and more so I set out to find the answers. What I found shocked me and then made me angry. I found preemie clothes alright, but there wasn't much of a variety, the sizes were very odd, the quality not very good and the prices were high.

I did buy some clothes for Elliot and it cost me $14.99 for a tiny t-shirt and hat set. I was appalled. It was thin and not very well made. But it was kind of cute so I washed it and took it to the hospital. What happened next absolutely astounded me. This seemingly small act of dressing her baby was a huge milestone for Brooke and our whole family. She loved dressing him and he looked so much better and more like a regular baby that it completely changed the way she saw him. For the first time she began to think of him as her baby! It was a miracle!! Could clothes make that much difference? It turns out it does. The March of Dimes just did a study in New York and they found that bonding occurred faster if the Mom could dress the baby and the mom did better as a result and so did the baby. It improved the overall outcome. I know this because the NY Chapter of the March of Dimes contacted me about Preemie Tees and they told me about the study. They just proved what I had already witnessed for myself!

I had been a seamstress for 25 years. I had made prom dresses, blessing gowns, baptism dresses, wedding gowns, smocked and heirloom clothes for my children. My girls never wanted me to just make a dress from a pattern. They wanted this sleeve and that bodice and a different skirt. I was constantly remaking patterns into original designs. Brooke's wedding dress is a good example. There is nothing like it. Made from two patterns and part of it I pulled out of thin air. (This is a picture of her with my other two children, Brent and Ashley at Brooke's wedding.) The point is, if I could do this I could certainly make clothes for Elliot and do it better and cheaper. So that is exactly what I did. The patterns had to be simple and they had to go on easily and come off easily, because he couldn't be disturbed and messed with like a regular baby. So...I decided the "fun" of it had to be in the prints and not the designs. Designs...simple. Prints...fun! So I measured him and set out to design the first Elliot's Preemie Tee. I kept all of these measurements. When he grew so did the patterns.

The first set of clothes I brought to him in the NICU caused quite a stir. Everyone wanted to see them and my daughter couldn't wait to tell everyone "Look what my Mom made for Elliot!" All the nurses kept telling me, "You should go into business, there is a real need for preemie clothes that fit." It was fine to do for Elliot, I loved him and it wasn't any work because I was helping my Brookie. Could I really do this all day long, everyday for complete strangers?


With this thought in the back of my mind I made more clothes and changed the designs, perfecting the construction, trying this and seeing how that looked. Elliot didn't care and Brooke loved it. I could make 4 tiny t-shirts out of a 1/4 of a yard of fabric of a cost of about $1.50 each. That is when I got mad! Most people who know me know you never want to make me mad because that is when I get enough fire in my bones that I will actually DO something about it. It was about this time that the medical bills were piling up and Elliot was approaching the $250,000 dollar baby with more to come! How could anyone take advantage of the parents of preemies like that? How could they charge so much for their tiny little clothes that they grow out of in weeks? I had seen gowns for $25 to $30 dollars for these teeny weeny babies. It just wasn't fair!! And it made me mad to think people were taking advantage of people when they were the most vulnerable. That is how Elliot's Preemie Tees was born - cause I got mad!

And I did a lot of research. it took me 6 months to get everything together. The hardest thing was and still remains the fabrics. I decided early on to use knit fabrics exclusively. They are stretchy and have some give to them and they are soft. But the cute ones are hard to find. It is my single hardest task - to find cute fabrics! I also figured out that in the NICU parents lose all ability to make choices. they have no choice over anything in the NICU and for very good reason. But the fact remains it takes away the control leaving poor mommies and daddies feeling helpless. So part of our business model was to give choices back to parents by letting them choose what clothes their babies could wear. Most of what is out there is ugly - let's face it! And the choices are sometimes between ugly and uglier. The best compliment I have ever gotten came by way of a gift card note for a customer, it said:

"A girls is never too young to be concerned about her wardrobe, hope these clothes put you on the cutting edge in the NICU!"

I couldn't have been more thrilled!! This is exactly what I was hoping to achieve with Elliot's Preemie Tees. When a parent comes to our website they will pick a style of clothing and then choose a fabric, then finish it off with their choice of snap colors. With 8 styles, over 30 fabrics and 3 snap colors to choose from the possible combinations are in the thousands! Where else can you get choices like that? So what what we are helping parents to do is to order something that is made for their baby - made to order exclusively for your baby! There is nothing else like it anywhere!! We are, literally, a one-of-a-kind business for preemies.

Our sizes set us apart too. Don't believe me - go take a look for yourself! Preemie sizes are often 1-3 lbs, 4-6 pounds. There is a big difference between 1 pound and 3 pounds! Then to make it worse, most of the variety in preemie clothing starts at 6 pounds. If you have ever had a preemie then you know that 6 pounds is almost full grown and there has been a awful lot of time and NICU stay to get to 6 pounds. If you have to wait to get to 6 pounds to dress your Preemie that is a lot of bonding time, parenting and enjoyment that has been missed. Sadly, most of the retailers just don't get it! But we do! Our sizes are 1-2 lbs, 3-4 lbs, and 5-6 pounds. I found that when I made clothes for Elliot these sizes gave him enough room to grow without being too big and he also could wear them for a good amount of time before he grew out of them. We call this sizing, "Preemie Fit Sizing", because it fits, it is a simple as that.

We have been open for business for a little over a year now. The question remains, could I do this day in and day out for complete strangers? The answer is a resounding YES! First, you are not a stranger to me, you are a fellow traveler on a similar journey and your path is my path. Second, I have yet to make a dime from my business. so your clothes are really a labor of love for me. I do love it! I love making people happy and I love making a difference in their lives. I love getting notes and pictures, it keeps me going. Someday I hope to have a profitable business, I am sure I will, but it is perfectly ok with me the way it is!

I have big plans for Elliot's Preemie Tees! We are designing a NICU dress for little girls and some pants for boys. A diaper cover is in the works too! Some people have asked for smaller sized blankets so we are looking into that too. A big project for the future is a toddler line of preemie clothes. As you know, preemies grow differently than other babies and the clothes never do really fit. Elliot is always losing his pants - some days he crawls or walks right out of them! So we are looking into that too! I don't see us doing this for a few years though unless we get a really BIG investor. If you have an idea or suggestion you would like us to try - let us know. We are here just for you! You are what matters the most to us!

Miracles Walk and Have Blonde Hair and Blue Eyes

I can’t believe it – after 21 ½ months Elliot is finally walking! To most it doesn’t seem that unusual especially given that he started life at a petite 1 pound 12 ounces, but you have to understand that most babies in our family walk very early - usually by their 1st birthday. Elliot started sitting up by his 1st birthday. We knew then that it would be a while until he was able to walk. We also knew that he would journey down his own path – completely uncharted territory for all of us.

He is still only 17 pounds and still in a rear facing car seat, so he has for all this time looked an acted like a baby. It has been hard not to treat him like a baby. We live in an area with lots of babies. On any given Sunday at church there are dozens of babies and dozens of comparisons. It is hard to hear, “Oh my baby is 6 months old and look he is bigger than your son! How old is he?” For Elliot these kinds of comparisons are not fair or accurate. E is in a class by himself. At his last doctor visit he was in the 3rd percentile – not too many of babies running around in the 3rd percentile but for E that is normal.

For me the last few days have been ones of pure joy! Joy that he is walking. Joy that E has found a new sense of freedom. Joy at seeing my daughter’s relief. This has been a monumental week for all of us, but I didn’t realize until today what his walking means to Brooke. She said, “He is a real little boy now and I am so glad, he’s been a baby for so long!” Wow!

There are two interesting events in the walking – turning around and falling down. At first falling down was fun, the trick then was getting back up. Unable to just stand up by himself he just sat there and screamed, highly frustrated that his business of walking had been so rudely interrupted. So I showed him how to crawl to the nearest wall and use that to help him stand up. I was amazed that before I could turn around he was heading to the wall, standing up and off on his way again, falling down a time or two on purpose just to try our his new trick, now fully satisfied that he could manage this all on his own. The second thing, turning around, is a real source of laughter and delight for all of us. Firmly planting one foot he pivots all the way around only lifting the outside foot. This maneuver gave him the ability to pull off the perfect fake out. “Elliot, come here to me!’ someone would say with arms outstretched to receive the wind-up doll waddling toward them. E moving unsteadily toward the receiver looked as if we was going straight to them, but at the last second he would execute the pivot maneuver and toddle away with a big grin on his face. So pleased with himself!!!

This morning I went to pick up my daughter and E to bring them back to my house for a day of making Preemie Tees. I got E dressed and had him sitting on my lap while I dressed him. Afterwards he just stood up and walked away and it startled me. “Oh yeah, he is walking now!” I suppose in time I will get use to it, but right now it is just amazing. He looks too little to be walking I think to myself as his blonde head wobbles away from me. He is moving faster today than he did yesterday. It makes me so glad to be his grandmother and that I get to see him progress like this. It was different with my own children. Walking was like breathing. Everyone does both effortlessly. The brain commands and the body obeys. That is how I used to see it. I took so much for granted…not anymore.

I am sitting here watching and hardly able to believe what I am seeing and what I am seeing is a real life miracle - a long awaited blessing from a gracious, kind, loving Father in Heaven! A little downy, toe headed boy, some days he reminds me of a duckling and especially today, waddling back and forth like a wind-up toy. He takes walking so seriously, it is his new job and he performs his task over and over without tiring. His tongue is stuck out with his perfect Cupid’s bow lips firmly pursed around it, brow furrowed and eyes set on an imaginary mark somewhere in front of him. His whole face is set in deep concentration as if what he is doing is a new invention, never done before by anyone. For a second he looks so grown up with all that concentration on his face and I see for a second what he will look like in a few years. He holds up his left arm as if holding onto an imaginary hand for balance. Back and forth he goes crossing the room in a pattern only he can see. Oops, plop! He looks at his Mommy and a broad grin crosses his face, blue eyes sparkling in delight. “Yaaaayyyyy” he squeals, hands clapping. I watched him nearly all day and I never got tired of seeing this scene played out. He literally did it all day long. And like the Energizer Bunny he kept going and going! It is, for me, as delightful the last time as it was the first time!

How I Became a Grandmother

I was in the car, somewhere in Iowa, when I got a call from my daughter. Her name is Brooke. her voice was small and sad. She sounded like she was chocking back tears which would soon spill out with the words she spoke. She had just come from her 25 week ultrasound where she discovered that her baby was not growing at the proper rate and that he was losing ground. I was sunned, I didn't know what to do or what to say. My first born was in trouble with her firstborn. It was such a helpless feeling. All I wanted to do was to hold my daughter and hug her. I would have given anything to be able to crawl through the phone at that minute.

My teenagers were in the car with me and my husband was following along behind. We were in the middle of a cross country move from Long Island, New York to Cedar Hills Utah. Brooke and BJ, her husband, live in Utah. I thought I was going there to become a grandmother and enjoy the last half of her pregnancy with her. We had such great plans of shopping and sewing and baby showers. We were so excite, our first grandbaby on the way and we were moving to be closer to them, a grandmother's dream. In one moment all of that changed. I all could say to her was, "Hang in there honey, I am on my way! I'll be there in three days." I tried to make my voice sound like a hug as much as I could.

That was the longest three days of my life! I spent most of it wishing my car could fly or that I could somehow magically teleport myself to Utah. Neither of those option worked so I was doomed to driving. My husband is a nautral lead foot, that is why he was following me - so I could set the pace, which was naturally slower. Not this time baby!

In the meantime, Brooke was put on bedrest and told to monitor the kicks the baby made in an hour and to call the doctor if they fell below a certain number. Can you imagine how terrifying that is? To only be able to lay there and count kicks, that is the equivalent of the worst kind of torture to a pregnant mom! Especially a first time pregant mom!! Sometimes I think doctors have no idea what they do to their patients when they perscribe these things.

We finally arrived in Utah and were put into temporary housing while we searched for a new home to live in. In between house hunting I took my terrified daughter to the hospital each week for an ultrasound to monitor the progress of the baby. We followed these visits with lunch out on the way home to break up the monotony of bedrest. At first the neonatologist said that the baby must have a fatal chromosome defect. He continued, "Your baby will likely not survive birth..." As he talked I saw all of the blood rush from my daughters face, she swayed and I moved towards her to catch her if she fainted. I don't know if was the look on her face or the coldness in which this news was delivered but something inside me snapped. I turned and said, "NO! That is not it, look again!" To my amazement he did! This time a Doppler was used. As he dopplered the blood flow through the cord they discovered that the blood flow of the baby was not pumping well enough so he was not getting enough of the good things he needed to grow. To me this was a better explanation for why he was so small. Maybe I was grasping at straws, maybe I just couldn't face reality or maybe I just really knew he would be fine. I thought they would do a C-section right then and there but the reasoning was that it was better for him in than out as long as he was getting something. We were left with weekly visits to the hospitial to Doppler the cord and bedrest and counting kicks. So we dutifully showed up at the hospital each week, worried and anxious. And each week we went home for more bedrest and counting more kicks. Weeks felt like years and this torture continued for four more weeks. Mom's will do anything for their children and I saw my Brooke become a mom right before my eyes. At the same time I felt myself becoming a grandmother.

Finally the great and dreaded day arrived. It was a beautiful day in June, the sun was shining, there was a soft breeze and the flowers around the hospital were in full bloom, but I couldn't ignore the dread I felt in my stomach as we went to the hospital for the regular ultrasound. We were growing used to our new routine. In the meantime, we had found a house to buy. The closing was scheduled for the following day. We were joking as we got into the elevator that Elliot better wait to come at least until his grandma could get moved into her new house. It was not to be.

Everything moved so fast. It felt like someone had pushed the fast forward button on our lives. The doctor said the blood flow through the cord was beginning to flow in reverse. Brooke was admitted to the hospital immediately for observation. Plans for a nice lunch out, our weekly splurg from bedrest, were cancelled. BJ was called and he raced to the hospital. I hated to leave my poor baby girl. She looked so helpless, small and sad. I just wanted to be able to take all of this away from her. But I had to go! I was moving the next day!!! How could this be happening? Looking back I can see that it was a good thing that Brooke and BJ had to do this alone, together. It helped to cement their relationship and to make them parents.

I went home and packed up our things from the temporary housing and prepared for the 9 am closing. Brooke called and said that the flow through the cord was getting worse and they would take the baby at noon. I thought I would make it...we could close on our house and I could start the moving company unloading the truck and my mom and my sister could take over for me while I ran to the hospital just in time to reassure Brooke that everything would be alright. If everything went according to plan we would just make it.

As you know, things never go like they are planned. It must have been the fastest closing in the history of closings... 30 minutes! Done. In the middle of signing that mountain of paperwork a call came, it was BJ. Things were bad enough that the doctor rearranged her schedule and was there to do the C-section right then. NO! Not right now!! I am not done. Oh no! Put Brooke on the phone.

"Hi, honey, we are almost done. I will be there as soon as I can. I love you so much. You are such a brave girl, everything will be ok!"

"Really mom, do you think so?"

"I know so!"

"i will be there when you wake up. I love you!"

"I love you too mom!"

That was the last time I talked to my Brooke before she became a Mom and I became a Grandma. When I think about it now I had a lot of nerve or faith to tell her everything would be ok but somewhere inside me I knew it would be. I had such peace in the middle of this train wreck of our lives that I could not deny that it would be ok. I don't know how I knew it, I just KNEW!

It is true that Elliot is a preemie - Brooke is a premature mother - I am a premature grandmother. All of these things bring there own set of challenges and nothing turned out how we planned or dreamed it to be but we all love our sweet little Elliot dearly! sometimes life comes at you fast but we wouldn't change a thing. His little life has touched us in so many ways. He is a light and our inspiration! We have all learned so much and it has made us who we are, a bit premature maybe, but all in all that isn't such a bad thing is it?

Milestones of Marvelous Matters!

Elliot is now 18 months old! He is also about 15 pounds - still so tiny for his age - but he has a big spirit! We marvel at all he has been through and how well he is doing in spite of all that has happened to him. He is learning sign language from a video series called "Baby Signing Times" the link is on my website. He knows mama, daddy, grandpa, dog, fish, eat, please, more, cracker, milk, and all done.

He started crawling at about 15 months! Now the fun begins!! He has learned to cruise the furniture and to walk holding our hands. Just about Christmas time before he got sick he learned to climb up the stairs - oh boy!

He still struggles with eating and cannot each anything with more texture than stage 2 baby food. The one exception is graham crackers...he loves his graham crackers!!! In February he will see a specialist to help him to start eating real foods. We are looking forward to that and hopeful that he will progress in this area. We'll keep you posted.

So that is what is new with us...what is new with you??? Post your baby's milestones here.

Things I Will Always Remember...

As I think about the new year I cannot help but look back. Even though it has been more than a year since Elliot was in the NICU these time of reflection always take me back there. I am glad I hope I will always remember -

The NICU can be described in one word "Rollercoaster!" And it is one wild ride. One moment your baby is wonderful and everything is right with the world and the next moment you are holding your breath out of shear terror at something completely unexpected.

We are told that our NICU experience was somewhat mild. I believe that...but I also know it was a wild ride nevertheless. Elliot was born 10 weeks premature weighing in at 1 lb. 12 oz. He was severely IUGR. The cord, his lifeline, was faulty and he was not getting what he needed to grow. This defect was discovered at 25 weeks and the doctors opted to keep him in, because they said, in was better than out even with a faulty cord. So we waited and watched. And when the cord was about to give out altogether Elliot was born by C-section on June 9, 2005.

The first time I saw him, 8 hours after he was born, he looked like this. As his grandmother it was all I could do to keep my face calm and my voice even. My daughter was watching my every move, searching me for any sign of fear. My first thought was "How can anything so tiny possible survive?" But the words that came out of my mouth were reassuring and calming as if someone else had said them. I am convinced now that it was not me speaking but the Spirit telling my daughter and son-in-law that their baby would be ok. I had an over whelming sense of peace that day. It was a peace I would need over the next 10 weeks to help my daughter cope with the NICU.

Over the next 10 weeks we watched his every move. How much he breathed, how much he ate, how much he weighed. All of those things went up and down and up and down. It is hard to recall all the things that happened in the NICU but there are some things I will never forget. I know my list is different from my daughters list and even different from your own, so please feel free to add to the list

I Will Always Remember...
• the first time I saw Elliot and all of his blonde hair
• wanting to cry, but needing to be strong
• the worry on my daughters face
• how many times she asked me, "Is he going to be ok?"
• how we waited to see him for 8 hours so my daughter could get out of bed and walk herself to the nursery after a C-section
• marveling at how brave my little girl was and how fast she was going to grow up
• seeing my sweet daughter hold her baby for the first time
• Elliot's wrist was so small his daddy's wedding ring was a bracelet
• being able to see right through his skin
• the first time we changed his diaper and he had no tushy
• seeing his tiny diapers and then realizing they were too big for him
• all the wires coming out of everything; hands, feet, heart, head and belly button
• his first cry - we saw him cry but no sound could come out - it was a silent cry
• driving an hour each way to the hospital 3 times a week so my daughter could get to her baby and praying all the way there and all the way home
• the first time I got to hold him and thinking I was holding air in a blanket
• the constant beeping of the monitors
• being startled awake in the middle of the night with my daughter in tears on the other end
• the A's and B's scared me half to death
• and then I got use to them
• and then they eventually went away
• washing my hands until they were raw and praying it was enough
• wondering if the NICU nurses were really angels in disguise
• wanting to know why a baby would fight so hard to live
• watching my daughter learn to care for her fragile baby
• dressing Elliot in clothes for the first time
• seeing more wires coming out of him than were there yesterday
• seeing all the wires dissappear
• seeing him smile at his Mommy
• the first time I held him and it felt like I was actually holding something
• seeing how brave my daughter could really be
• watching him learn to eat
• giving him a bath
• being told he could go home
• the dissappointment we felt when he couldn't go home yet
• how happy we were when he could REALLY go home!!